On a Thursday night, 5 years ago, I stepped onto the Miss America stage as Miss Virginia 2019 and left as Miss America 2020.
It’s hard to imagine that it has already been 5 years. Reflecting on my two years under the crown, COVID-19, completing pharmacy school, an engagement, returning home, and beginning my fellowship reminds me how much time has passed.
Being Miss America is the most unique role I’ve ever had, but it wasn’t ever my dream. I knew that being Miss America was not only demanding in terms of time and commitment but would also take a physical and emotional toll on the woman who served. As I prepared for the competition in 2019, I distinctly remember telling my family that I wanted “to be the 1st runner-up” – I’d get an incredible scholarship and return home to serve Virginia and get back to my academic life. As Victoria Hill (Miss Georgia 2019) and I held hands in the final moments before crowning, I told her that she was “going to be a great Miss America”, and then my name was called. God had a different plan in store.
The next two years provided me with some of my greatest opportunities and deepest wounds. I became the first woman to win the crown using science, served as a national spokesperson for DEA, spoke at the UN general assembly, rode in the Rose Parade and Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, wrote/produced my own science educational program with PBS in my basement during COVID-19, gave dozens of speeches and did hundreds of appearances. The opportunities that Miss America gave me, especially given that my social impact initiative was related to my professional career, were priceless.
What makes a great Miss America is empathy and her ability to connect and care for those she meets. Miss America brings joy to others! But from before I even stepped on stage on December 19th, I received the deepest level of public criticism I have ever experienced which would continue for the duration of my of service. From verbal comments during our competition week to an influx of hateful messages, comments, posts, and articles rejecting every step I took – I suddenly felt I could do nothing right. Was I bringing any joy? Although I knew in my heart to ignore these comments – I felt stuck. (I quickly learned that these comments would alert on my Apple watch, which made them hard to ignore even if I tried). I loved making people feel happy, and I was good at what I did, and to turn off my natural desire to please was nearly impossible.
Outside of the external stressors, as Miss America I dealt with continued internal turmoil within the organization. By March of 2020, I was exhausted. Shortly after, I got a call telling me that the competition was canceled because of COVID-19, and “you get to be Miss America for another year!” – I broke into tears.
I was right about the toll that being Miss America would take on me, and I often asked myself “why” I was chosen. Looking back, it feels clearer why this was part of my path. I am a scientist who was able to serve as Miss America during a pandemic and share the importance of STEM education. I am a woman with a chronic disease who served as Miss America remotely and was able to take care of my health and conserve my energy, unlike anyone who had served before me. And, I was the woman who never dreamed of being Miss America, so the changes that COVID-19 brought and lacking traditional Miss America events didn’t take any value from my experience.
Ultimately, the most important skill I strengthened as Miss America was adaptability. There are few situations you could put me in that would make me uncomfortable – trust me, I’ve seen it all. From solo travel, unexpected speeches, public encounters, to interacting with high-profile individuals – I am grateful to Miss America for teaching me to thrive in the unknown.
Thank you, Miss A. Cheers to 5 years.
Comments